Dear humans
I’m sure all of you have experienced this nagging of what a change in choice would have been if things had been different or if you had made a different choice entirely.
I will let you on to this thing I call the ‘’what-if’’ games:
What if I had chicken instead of tuna today,
what if I didn’t speak to them like that but instead asked more diplomatically?
What if I didn’t have that fizzy drink and had water instead with my meal?
What if I had just not picked up the phone?
Let me elaborate this is a game the mind plays with you and at times if the thoughts are coming in more than often then you are stuck in the what-if game which you have to break free from so you can enjoy your life and especially your present moment.
I have found that the more games you play the less likely you are in control of your self and the less you play them the better flow in life you will achieve.
I know sometimes things won’t go the way we plan and then situations won’t even reflect the intentions we had but at the end of it all of you are stuck in the what-if game with your self then you need to recalibrate your brain to accept that the situation or the choice has already happened and carry on with your life or else you will miss out on new opportunities.
I go into what-if situations from time to time but I have moulded it into a reflection tool now, as a way to see possibilities rather than change the outcomes that have already happened.
I will provide a simple example to show you how you can use the what-if situation to make better decisions instead of dwelling on the past.
Situation: you and your mates find a place to eat — and order a meal with a fizzy drink. Once you finish you realise what if I had just ordered water instead and not the coke.
What if nagging: oh darn I should have got the water I was trying to lose weight.
Titration: next time you order a meal fix your mind to only order water hence not be stuck in the what-if game.
Reflection: you can’t change the meal you already had, you can’t change the drink as you’ve already drunk it but next time you can order water hence using the what if game to calibrate your form choices.
You can use this basis for every situation as long as you improve on it to connect to what’s important to you but realise that situations will always change and you can only control what you can, to try and control what you can’t is ludicrous. This leads me to interject the very profound serenity prayer.
I have used this prayer many times to work out if there is any point in changing the situation or just letting it be.
‘’O God, give us the serenity to accept what cannot be changed, the courage to change what can be changed, and the wisdom to know the one from the other’’
I have found that what if not controlled in one aspect of your life will seep into all sections of your life, this will then lead to incisiveness and misery and in worst cases, overanalysis that becomes as futile as spilt milk.
I have also found that being in the present moment helps get rid of the what-if game fast but one needs to constantly adjust themselves to the present moment or else one gets stuck in the past or far far away into the future and will miss out on what’s in front of you.
Once you realise that life flows constantly and situations/relationships etc unravel over some time then the flow will be easier to grasp rather than wasting your time figuring out what you should have done instead of what has already transpired.
It’s a thin line to grasp but you will see it once you practice being in the present moment rather than always wondering about what-ifs*.
Last but not least if you can change it then change it, if you can’t then don’t spend too much time in the ‘‘what-if’’ games, the situation is over and you should choose to move on.
Kindly
Afzal
Notes :
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Photo by Francisco Moreno on Unsplash
